Within
by Selective scifi junkie
Summary: SG5 have been captured by Cronos. SG1 is sent to their rescue. In the line of duty, a casualty occurs, a casualty which forces SG1's hand to an action which has unforeseen consequences. Spoiler/rating etc. at top of fic. COMPLETE  three months later .
1. Chapter 1

Within

**Summary: **SG5 have been captured by Cronos. SG1 is sent to their rescue. In the line of duty, a casualty occurs, a casualty which forces SG1's hand to an action which has unforeseen consequences.

**Set:** Very early season 4/ very late season 3. Before Divide and Conquer, more than a month after Host. I'd recommend reading Host first; it makes things a lot easier.

**Spoilers: **Possibly anything season 3 or before. Definitely `In the Line of Duty`, `Tok'ra`, `Jollinar's memories`, `Devil you know`, `Small victories`, and if you don't know who Cronos is, don't read this.

**Genres: **I didn't try because this fic goes through a lot of them. Angst, romance, hurt/comfort, action/adventure, family, friendship...

**Rating: **T. There is spasmodic hinting at adult themes. Violence and threat (of course) and fairly discreet romance, later in the fic only. It would be a 12 if it was an episode.

"Chevron five encoded!" Sam stood at the base of the ramp in the gate room, geared for combat. No rations, no shelter, just a P-90, a pistol and a knife. "Chevron six encoded!" Around her stood Colonel O'Neil, Teal'c, Daniel and SG-8. Their mission was to retrieve SG-5, captured by Cronos. "Chevron seven locked!" The unstable vortex surged, then receded. The next clear sound was the colonel's voice.

"Alright, move out!" Sam followed him up the ramp, hearing the footsteps of six more men behind her as she charged at the gate, pulse high, ready to fight.

The sound of gunfire assaulted her ears. Staffs, a P-90. A bolt of blazing energy slammed into oblivion not six inches from her head. Cover. She dived right, to the side of the gate, firing blind. She sensed rather than heard the approaching Jaffa on her flank. She turned. He fell almost before she'd ordered her body to fire. She twisted round, teeth bared, looking for the source of the staff blasts still echoing around her. More of those on her side were coming. The dozen defending Jaffa were failing. She didn't know how many her bullets had taken. It didn't matter. She could sense the thirteen symbiotes as well as the gate. Twelve would be dying now, their incubators dead. Teal'c's would be fine. The two SG teams waited, listening, looking for any sign of further attack.

"Alright." Colonel O'Neil said after a minute or so. "That's Crono's outpost," He pointed to a plain, imposing looking building about half a mile away. "and if our Intel is good, SG-5 is in there."

He turned and began to walk. Everyone else followed. Every hand was on a weapon, every ear pricked, every eye darting nervously to and fro, constantly expecting an ambush. But none came.

"Where the hell are all the Jaffa?" Major Jenson growled as the eight soldiers broke the tree line maybe a hundred metres from the building, passing large boulders erected in a rough ring. "We haven't been shot at once since the gate and we're sitting ducks here."

"I know, Jenson." Colonel O'Neil muttered back. "What do you expect me to do about it? Let us in T. Everyone clear of the door." They had reached the bare, stone walls. Teal'c tapped four symbols in the panel of six and stepped well clear as the door opened.

A volley of staff blasts flooded the doorway. Their echoes were drowned by the answering rattle of P-90s and Teal'c's staff. Sam barely needed to command her body, letting instinct take over. Adrenaline resurged as she fought, powering her, lessening the need to think. As the final clatter of spent bullets died away, Teal'c braved the doorway. No sound came from the fallen Jaffa.

"You're meant to wait for the order to do that." Colonel O'Neil spoke more to himself than Teal'c as the seven humans outside filled in after Teal'c. The passage inside was dark, lit only by torches on the walls. Their footsteps echoed loudly. No one had lowered their weapons. Teal'c raised a hand.

"O'Neil," He murmured, "three people approach us from the left along the corridor we are about to join."

"OK, only three. Defensive positions." The two SG teams shuffled to the sides of the passage, dropping into half-crouches. The footsteps were rapid, almost running. Growing closer. What were they? Jaffa? Goa'uld? Human slaves? Daniel sneezed. The footsteps stopped. Sam swore under her breath. Three figures came into view.

To be continued...

Please review and tell me what you think the SG teams have run into. Also, please just review, I'd rather you told me if you think its rubbish and why than stay silent. It's how I'll get better. Love it or hate it, tell me. This is only my second fic and I need the feedback.


	2. Chapter 2

Within

Apologies for the delay. I've been on holiday with no internet. Sorry.

Three figures came into view. No one fired.

"God, you scared us." Sam's father stood in the doorway, holding a Zat and looking as relieved as she felt. Behind him stood Martouf and a Tok'ra named Hashan, who Sam had never met herself.

"You were lucky there Jacob, Marty." Colonel O'Neil said lightly, "We nearly shot you."

"Likewise." Her father replied. "What the heck are you doing here?"

"Getting SG-5 back. What the heck are you doing here?"

"We didn't know they'd taken prisoners. If we had, we'd have got them out before we finished our job here. Cronos has been playing around with a sarcophagus. All his research is in this place so our job is to find out what he was doing and blow it to hell."

"Why would Cronos want to do anything to the sarcophagus?" Sam asked. "They can already revive the dead and the Goa'uld are all addicted to the side effects."

"We don't know." Her father replied. "As for SG5, I'm sure Hashan can lead you to the cells." Sam felt a flicker of pride at having got Hashan's name right. Hashan indicated that the two SG teams should follow him.

Through the base they crept, still alert for an attack, an attack which never came. The inconspicuous absence of Jaffa made them all uneasy. There was nothing they could do about it though. After a number of tense minutes, Hashan dialled another code into a panel and gestured through the open door. SG5. Four airmen at the far end of the room, bound and gagged, but apparently unharmed.

"Well, that was easy." Colonel O'Neil remarked, walking over to SG5, followed by everyone else.

Zats fired behind them. Sam spun around, adrenaline rising, into a haze of blinding pain. She felt her legs give way under her. She fell to the floor. She heard more bodies fall, more cries of pain, the harsh voices of Jaffa. She felt her gun being pulled from her unresisting hands, which were then bound tight behind her. As the pain began to fade, she was pulled to her feet, along with everyone else. How could they have been so stupid? SG5 had been the bait and they'd walked right into the trap. Fear bit at Sam as she heard the first prime call,

"Jaffa! See what we have done this day! At sunrise, we had four common Tau'ri warriors in our hands. Now, we have that again, a coward Tok'ra and SG1. Major Carter, who carries the memories of the Shol'va Jollinar, Doctor Jackson and Colonel O'Neil, slayers of Ra, Apophis and countless loyal Jaffa and the Shol'va Teal'c. See how we, true to our god have defeated he who turned away. Let us now go to our Lord Cronos and seek our reward."

The thirteen dazed, disarmed prisoners were half marched, half dragged through the base. Sam tried desperately to remember the route so that, given a chance, they could retreat. Her breath was hard and fast, fear made her stomach clench, sending occasional waves of nausea through her tense body. The passage opened into a chamber. A throne room. At the far end sat Cronos.

"My Lord," The first prime addressed him. "We bring you twelve Tau'ri warriors and a Tok'ra"

Cronos responded slowly, his voice deepened and grating. "Well done Ribek. They will kneel before me."

"Oh, must we? It's just I've got a cartilage problem in my knee and- " Colonel O'Neil grunted as booted foot collided hard with the back of his knee. Sam felt a blunt pain in her own leg and fell beside him. Within a minute, all thirteen prisoners knelt.

"Lay their weapons at my feet." Cronos continued. "Take all but five of your Jaffa and search the base. There may yet be more. I want them found." These orders were obeyed at once.

"It's not hopeless." Sam told herself. "We've been captured before and made it out alive. Dad and Martouf are still free. They'll find us." Crono's voice brought her sharply back to the present.

Please, please, please review. Aside the normal spelling/grammar/characterisation nitpicks, I want predictions on these things: In the teaser, I said there was a casualty. Who do you think? I also mentioned that SG1's hand was forced. To do what? Any and all ideas welcome. I know where I'm going, do you?


	3. Chapter 3

Within

Crono's grating voice brought her sharply back to the present.

"Tau'ri. I understand that there is an impenetrable barrier across your Chapa'ai. To pass it, you need one of these," He waved a GDO absently, "and a code. What is this code?"

Silence. Cronos smiled, put down the GDO and picked up a Zat.

"Let me make this clear. Every time you fail to answer me, I will fire on one of you. I will begin by finishing what my Ash'rak started." He took two confident paces across to Sam, who felt a numb fear begin to rise in her chest, and primed the Zat.

"What is the code?"

Silence. Cronos fired. Pain scythed through Sam's body. She doubled over, grimacing. As the haze of pain receded, Sam looked up. Cronos still stood over her, holding the Zat, eyes dancing with pleasure.

"What is the code?"

Silence. The silence Sam knew was her death sentence. No one would give up the Iris code. No one would gamble the whole planet for one life. She, Samantha Carter was about to die. There were so many things she wanted to say, to do. One burned ahead of all others as she looked at Jack. He'd turned his face away. He didn't want to watch. Childish, foolish questions flooded her consciousness. How much would it hurt? Would she see those she'd lost again? Where would she be?

Cronos fired. Pain seared through Sam's body, but only for a moment. Then she couldn't feel anything at all. No pain. No cold floor. No weight of ammunition. The world darkened, then light and sound began to flash past her mind.

"Where's Mum?"

"...into the world as adults"

"I'm an Airforce officer just like you are Sir."

"You're very brave."

"It was an honour serving with you."

"I am Jollinar of Malk'shoa."

"I have cancer, Sam."

"Sir, there's no time!"

Past the dazzling flow of memories, Sam though she heard Goa'uld weapons fire, then none of it mattered any more. An inexplicable feeling of ecstasy overcame her. Then Samantha Carter, Officer, Major, Doctor, sister, daughter and friend slipped into the void.

I know. Micro-chapter, but if I don't do this, I'll kill the tension. Is this what you expected? Still looking for predictions, grammar corrections, spelling corrections and anything else you can throw at me.

The situation does improve. Trust in SG1 and keep reading.

Little trivia quiz. Can you place all the quotes? I made up the second one, the rest are all cannon.


	4. Chapter 4

Within

I'm evil aren't I? I left you hanging having just killed Sam! Not her POV anymore (obviously), Jack's. Thanks for the reviews. I swear some people on this site can read my mind, so won't be surprised by anything that's coming up. Quiz answers: Devil you know, my invention only, Children of the Gods, Singularity, Solitudes, In the line of Duty, Secrets, Upgrades. Now back to it...

Jack looked away, unable to watch. Sam Carter, his second in command was about to die. But she was more than that to him, a comrade, a friend but that didn't cover it. He loved her. He loved her and he was just letting her die. He braced himself uselessly against the sound of the Zat. The sound that ended the life of one of the most loyal, selfless, courageous people he had ever fought with. The woman he loved. She was gone. Lost. Then, through his blurring vision, he saw two figures emerge from a door behind Cronos. Martouf, Jacob, aiming a staff at Crono's back. Jacob fired. Too late. Too late to save her. Crono's eyes glowed one final time as his triumphant expression turned to pain, fear. She'd gone through that. She'd know exactly what he was going to do. Now her killer's body fell beside hers.

Jack heard the two Tok'ra fighting the Jaffa as though from a great distance. He couldn't tear his eyes from her body. Images of her flooded his mind. Her looking quietly defiant in the briefing room before her first trip through the gate. Her looking murderous on the Mongol planet not much later. Her laughing aloud at some story he'd told her the other week. Her looking pained and desperate on the wrong side of a force field during Anise's armband fiasco. She didn't look like that now. Her eyes were closed, her face relaxed, she could have been sleeping.

He felt his hands fall from the position they'd been bound in. The Tok'ra must have won.

"Please tell me that was the first shot." Jacob's voice shook as he crouched down beside his daughter's body.

"I cannot." Teal'c's voice was heavy. "She is dead."

"No." Disbelief was hanging from Jacob's voice as he dug two fingers into Sam's neck, frantically seeking her absent pulse. His face crumpled. "Oh, Sam." The disbelief was gone, replaced by pain.

"Sarcophagus." Jack forced the word past the lump in his throat. "You said there was one in here." Jacob nodded, reining back his grief. Hope. Hope sprang in the darkness.

"In the room we just came from. Let's go."

"Wait." Martouf's simbeyote was evidently speaking. "Jacob that sarcophagus could well have been tampered with. We cannot predict it's effects."

"It'll bring her back!" Jack rounded on him. "That's all we need."

"It will repair her body, but the price could be her mind."

"Right now we don't have either. What have we got to lose."

"Lantash," Jacob cut in, "we don't even know that Cronos did tamper with that one, it's probably the one he used." Lantash seemed beaten. He helped them lift Sam's limp form onto his, Jack's, shoulder. She was still warm. He couldn't accept what had happened. There was a sarcophagus. He probably wouldn't need to.

"SG8, get SG5 back through the gate and report the situation to Hammond." He ordered the room at large. "We'll follow when Carters OK."

The throne room emptied quickly. Teal'c picked up Jack and Sam's weapons as well as his own. Jacob went ahead into the sarcophagus room, when Jack arrived the thing was open. With a care he knew he needn't take (if the sarcophagus could repair Sam's severed life, it could fix bruises) Jack laid her down inside it. He stood for a moment, his hand on hers.

"C'mon, Sam." He murmured, then stepped back and said to Jacob, "How long will this take?"

"If he only used a Zat nikutell on her," Jacob answered, "fifteen, twenty minutes, no more. Martouf, Hashan, go. I'll catch up with you." Neither moved.

"Jacob, Hashan can lead me to the data banks," Martouf began, "but neither of us can read the ciphers. We need Selmac. If you take Samantha's radio, I am certain that Colonel O'Neil will contact you when she awakens." Jacob paused, looking between the other Tok'ra and the sarcophagus. Jack got the distinct impression that he and his snake were arguing about this one.

"Fine." The snake won. Jacob took Sam's radio and closed the sarcophagus, then turned to Jack. "Don't touch it. If you do, you'll kill her again, likely as not. You had better radio." He turned decisively and walked away, not giving himself time to second guess.

"Twenty minutes." Jack echoed as the door closed behind Jacob. "Teal'c, cover the other door." They took up defensive positions, Jack trying to mask his apprehension.

***

Twenty minutes later, Jack raised his radio only to have it crackle into life before he activated it.

"Jack, this is Jacob. Do you copy? Over?"

"Copy. I was about to call. Over."

"Any sign from Sam yet, over?"

"No." A pause.

"There's not a lot we can do. Just tell me when she wakes up."

"Anything on the sarcophagus yet?"

"Just a tonne of stuff about how great Cronos is, was."

"Over and our then." Jack let out a long breath and sat down.

"I hate this waiting." Daniel said quietly. Jack nodded.

"Me too, Daniel. Me too."

***

Another twenty minutes passed. Daniel was reading the sarcophagus. Jack had abandoned guard and was teaching Teal'c to play `Rock, paper, scissors`. His right hand was flat. Teal'c's was a fist.

"Stone tears paper. I am victorious." Teal'c observed confidently.

"No, Teal'c. Paper covers rock."

"Is it not equally likely that rock would tear the paper, O'Neil? Even if the rock is covered, it remains intact. This being the case, should rock not be victorious?"

"For crying out loud, it just isn't OK? It just..." but the rest of Jack's words were drowned by a deep, grating rumble. Jack, Teal'c and Daniel leapt to their feet and ran to the opening sarcophagus. Before it was fully open, Sam gasped, opened her eyes and sat up.

There's a catch. This is way too easy for Stargate. Any guesses? Reviews still welcome.


	5. Chapter 5

Within

Firstly, I'm sorry this chapter took so long. I've just gone back to my life and the next two months look hectic, so this will unfortunately suffer in terms of speed.

Secondly, thanks for the interest in this, it's really flattering. This is only my second fic, ever. It's maddening though to have people reading it but have no idea at all how they feel about the plot/language/anything whatsoever. I want to know, even if it's a `hey, you can't spell whatever it may be`. If I don't know where I'm weak and where I'm stronger, how can I know how to improve? And I want to know which bits you like, which bits make you want to murder me, which bits you never saw coming etc. because I'm nosy like that.

The first thing she heard was the harsh, metallic grating of the opening sarcophagus. The first thing she felt were the close confines of her surroundings, heavy with Naquadah. Then the rush of life's breath, the benediction, into silent, motionless lungs, the rush of life into her body, of consciousness. Suddenly, the shadowed gilt ceiling hung above her. She saw the soft glow of the sarcophagus behind her. She sat up, as if startled from sleep.

"Hey, Carter, take it easy, OK?" She nodded in response to Jack's voice, raising a shaking hand to her head. Sense was beginning to catch up with her senses. Cronos. The Zat. The sarcophagus. She must have been killed. It was like a dream, half-remembered. Jack's next words were addressed to his radio. "Jacob, she's awake."

"Oh thank God, I'm coming up. Hold position." Colonel O'Neil lowered his radio and looked back at her.

"H...How long was I out, Sir?" Sam's voice grew steadier towards the end of the sentence.

"Uh... about forty minutes, Carter. You had us worried. Your Dad said you'd only be twenty."

"Last thing I remember is getting shot by Cronos."

"Yeah. Then your Dad put you in there." Colonel O'Neil indicated the sarcophagus. "Do you want a hand out, by the way?" Sam nodded. He pulled her to her feet and kept a grip on her wrist until she had both feet firmly on the floor. It was as Colonel O'Neil let go that she felt it. Something moving under her skin. Something that wasn't meant to be there. Between her shoulders, something was moving like a snake, paring her skin from her flesh as it crept upwards. She gasped in pain and clapped a hand to the base of her neck. In that instant, she knew what it was. She called out in terror

"Sir, there's a..." but she gasped over the end of her sentence. She threw back her head in a vain effort to stay in control, felt a prickling heat rise in the backs of her eyes and knew by the faces of the others what they had seen. They knew. Knew what she had tried to tell them. Her eyes had glowed. She was a host. Host to a Goa'uld.

"What the!" Colonel O'Neil shouted, pointing his P-90 straight at her heart. Teal'c and Daniel followed suit. She only just saw this. Her eyes were fixed downwards and ahead. Unbidden, her hands rose to her face and ran themselves over her features. Her breath came in harsh, rasping gasps. The Goa'uld was ignoring the three men pointing guns at it. It was examining Sam's body by looking at her memories. Disgust rose in Sam like bile. This parasite was trawling through her most intimate physical details, it was a violation. No sooner had this though formed, than the Goa'uld stopped. All Sam felt in it was confused incredulity. No disgust, no disdain, no loathing. Nothing she would have expected to find in the mind of a Goa'uld. This thought was met by a twinge of indignation.

"Jacob." Colonel O'Neil had turned his radio back on.

"We've worked out what he did to the sarcophagus, by the way. He was trying to get it to revive the long dead from just a DNA sample and mental content, but he never figured out how to download his brain."

"Jacob, shut up! There's a Goa'uld in Carter."

The radio swore violently.

At this, the Goa'uld's confusion only deepened. Sam realised it didn't know who `Jacob` was. The instant she herself had registered the answer, the Goa'uld knew. She cursed herself inwardly. Then the Goa'uld lowered her head and closed her eyes. Inexplicably, she felt control return. She was in command of her body. Why was it doing this? She raised her head. No resistance. Colonel O'Neil, Daniel and Teal'c were still pointing guns at her.

"Sir?" She began tentatively. He didn't reply. He had no way to know who he was talking to.

"What do you want?" Daniel asked after a moment.

"Daniel, it's me." She raised her hands in a gesture of surrender. "Look, I don't know what this thing wants. Just don't let me kill anyone. If you can't stop me, shoot me. Please. Don't let me do that." No one replied. All three of them just looked at her. Why couldn't they just agree? She'd rather die than live knowing she'd killed any one of them, or anyone at the SGC. She'd rather die than be stuck as a host for centuries. As she drew breath to forward this argument she felt the heat rise behind her eyes. Control slipped away from her.

There's a lovely blue bit of text right below this.

Click on it. Go on. You know you want to.

Apologies to Roeskva for nagging.


	6. Chapter 6

**It's really encouraging to know how many people are reading this. I'm giving it all the time I can which right now isn't much. Everyone has more or less guessed the big shock of this chapter, judging by the reviews (thanks a lot for those by the way). They make this so rewarding.**

Within

Her head dropped and she heard a voice, clear and resonating, inside her own head.

"_Sam, I know you fear me. Please, listen, or you will cost us both great pain and me my life. Before I say more, I will ask you one question: can symbiote and host lie to one another?" The answer formed in Sam's mind before she could stop it._

"_No more than you can lie to yourself."_

"_Exactly. Each is immediately aware of the other's deception and knows what they were trying to conceal." Sam could verify that. She'd known as much from Jolinar, this creature had only reminded her. "I will proceed; you understand now." It continued. "I should be dead, as should you. Your body was placed inside a sarcophagus" Sam caught a wave of revulsion "to recover. This sarcophagus requires only a sample of Deoxyribonucleic acid and mental content to revive one long dead. You carry both of mine, but you are unaware of most of my memories. I was revived within your body."_

"_How the hell did your DNA and memories get into me?"_

"_I entered your body without your consent (a violation of our laws) almost two years ago. Less than twenty four hours later, we were attacked by an Ash'rak. He left us both dying. I had thrown you into a battle that was not yours to lose. I gave my life to save yours. I am Jolinar of Malkshur."_ Sam scarcely dared believe it, but knew Jolinar to be telling the truth. Relief flooded her, only to be tempered by a realisation that was about to make things very difficult.

"_Jolinar, they're not going to believe it's you. They won't take my word for it, I'm your host."_

"_Socar. I didn't think of that."_

The door burst open. Jolinar and Sam turned and Sam saw her father. He looked terrified.

"Hold her still." He drew something from his belt as he spoke.

"Jacob, wait!" Jolinar cried. "You do not need to harm me or my host. I am Tok'ra"

"So how did you get in a sarcophagus?" Daniel asked sceptically.

"I did not. Enough of me survived in Captain, Major Carter for it to rebuild my body within hers. I am Jolinar of Malkshur."

"You choose your lie well." Teal'c stated blankly. "All that remains of that being is within Major Carter. As are you. We cannot prove or disprove your assertion." Jolinar lowered her head and closed her eyes. Sam felt control return, raised her head and shouted,

"She's telling you the truth!"

"Sure you are Goa'uld." Colonel O'Neill growled.

"Sir, the last time you didn't believe her, the price was the lives of three SFs and nearly me!"

"Why the hell..." Colonel O'Neill began

"Jack, just, wait a minute." Her father's words set off a cautious relief in Sam.

"Thank God." She breathed.

"When a symbiote dies within a host and makes a conscious decision not to release the toxins," He continued, as if thinking aloud, "it leaves three things in the host: Naquadah trace, protein marker containing DNA and mental content in the subconscious."

"Dad," Sam said, exasperatedly "that's all the sarcophagus needs. DNA in the marker and mental content in my subconscious. Jolinar is in here." Sam gestured at the back of her neck as best she could, still not daring to lower her hands.

"Hang on." Daniel began. "Sam the last time we spoke to you, you were terrified. You told us to kill you rather than let you kill anyone else"

"Look," Sam could feel the irritation in her voice, Jolinar's mind, "all I knew at that point was that I had a symbiote. I couldn't see into her mind yet, we hadn't blended properly. I had no idea who she was. I assumed the sarcophagus was booby-trapped."

"Yeah, all I've heard so far," Colonel O'Neill cut in aggressively, "is that the snake in Carter could be Jolinar. Can we prove that it is?" Sam felt Jolinar ask her to bow her head and close her eyes so that she could take control. Sam complied. Jolinar raised her head and spoke.

"If I vacate my host's brain stem for around sixty of her pulses, then return to my current position, she will have plenty of time to testify for or against me without any risk of my interfering."

"How do we know you've moved?" Colonel O'Neill was such a sceptic.

"Like this." Her father placed one firm hand on the back of Sam's neck. "If it moves, I'll know."

Jolinar handed control back to Sam, who was beginning to get used to this. Jolinar's vague warning, however, was barely herald of the ensuing pain. Jolinar moved sharply, forcing layers of tissue apart. Sam gasped, grimacing and trying not to tense, knowing it would hurt less if she didn't. Her father's voice reached her.

"It's moving, whoever it is." The pain sank further down, now based in her shoulders, then, "OK, we're clear. Sam?"

"It's Jolinar." She said as soon as she had breath to spare.

"You sure?" Her father stepped round to face her. She nodded.

"Positive." She heard at least one person other than her father release a breath. "Where are Hashan and Martouf by the way?"

"We ran into three Jaffa. I came ahead to get to you."

Sam gasped again as the pain returned, peaked, then passed off.

"Your weapons Major Carter." Teal'c said shortly, handing her firearms to her. She briefly expressed her thanks, then Jolinar's thoughts were words again.

"_Sam, may I examine your memories regarding the Tok'ra?"_

"_Sure, go ahead."_ Sam felt Jolinar's gratitude, then felt the events of her first meeting with the Tok'ra, as if they were happening again. But not. It was as if Jolinar were skim-reading her memories, flashing through the bulk of them, examining little in detail. But Sam could still see, hear, feel the world around her, as though her memories were background music.

"Alright, let's move out." Colonel O'Neill turned to the door as he spoke.

"No." Sam's father returned bluntly. "You're not asking me to leave the others behind. Anyway, if you and the Tok'ra separate, which way do Sam and Jolinar go?"

"She comes with her team, Jacob." Colonel O'Neill replied defensively.

"Sir, Jolinar would have a problem with that. She wants to go back with the Tok'ra." As Sam ended the sentence, she felt Jolinar ask for control again. She complied.

"Colonel," She began, "I appreciate your desire not to be separated from Sam, but," she stopped abruptly as the door opened again. Two figures. Hashan and someone who made a fierce joy that was not her own rise in Sam's chest.

**I'm not going to insult you by asking who Hashan was with. This dilemma is one in which, whatever I do, some people will say I am wrong. I know I can't please everyone, so I'm just going by how the characters are "in my little world" (O'Neill, the Other Guys)**


	7. Chapter 7

**This chapter gets darker, perhaps a minuscule touch on femslash themes (if I've guessed the meaning of that right). Nothing even slightly explicit. Definitely no more than a T.**

**Random point: someone said that a radio can't swear. That was just a more interesting way of saying that Jacob swore. I'd have to put the rating up if I put the word in.**

* * *

Within

"Martouf!" Jolinar cried and ran to him. Even as she embraced him, Sam's own body would not heed her command to stop.

"Samantha?" Martouf sounded more than a little taken aback. Jolinar stepped back, leaving her hands on his arms, and speaking with the deepened voice of a symbiote.

"Not alone. Enough of me was left for the sarcophagus to revive me, Jolinar." Incomprehension, disbelief. Martouf looked at Sam's father for confirmation, as Jolinar stepped back. She must have felt Sam's embarrassment, discomfort. She never took her eyes from Martouf's face, her own, Sam's radiant with joy as her father spoke.

"It's her. We checked." Sam wanted to look round at the sound of her father's voice, but couldn't. Her eyes stayed on Martouf's face, which split into an expression of radiant joy to match Jolinar's. Sam felt her head drop and control return. She took two hurried paces back from Martouf, feeling colour rise up her neck. She drew a steadying breath, not meeting anyone's eyes.

"OK, we're going to need to sort that out."

"First," Her father cut in quickly, "let's just get the hell out of here and blow this place. The charges are laid. All I got to do is detonate once we're at a safe distance. We'll sort out who goes where at the Stargate." He set off and everyone else followed silently, again the base seemed deserted, it made Sam uneasy. Martouf seemed unsure as to how close to her he wanted to walk. Jolinar's feelings for him had passed their initial surge, but had by no means disappeared. They were a constant, aching longing, so close to Sam, but so alien. It was maddening.

"_I am sorry." _Jolinar's thoughts were words again. _"I know how__ I__ would feel if you were to approach Colonel O'Neill while I inhabited your body."_

"_What? Why would... Not that I... Even if I wanted to..."_

"_I see."_ Sam felt Jolinar's sympathy now. _"To never be with the one you love, held apart by position."_

"_No, I... I... I guess I just don't think about it."_

"_I am sorry."_

Sam began to see snatches of her past again, now following a line which set dread into Sam. Martouf coming through the Stargate with the news that Socar had captured her father, the cargo ship, the memory device, the memory of torture, the descent pods, the old colony, Bynarr. Nausea gripped Sam, so powerful that, for a heartbeat, she thought she would actually vomit. The memory slowed and began to clear, Bynarr's death, relief from Jolinar, Sam's return to the pit, the memory slowed to real-time. Martouf's voice, sickeningly clear.

"What made you think he would be sympathetic towards Jolinar?"

"She er..." Martouf bowed his head at her words. "I'm sorry."

Horror.

Black, deep, septic horror stole over Jolinar. Sam felt her breath rise sharply as Jolinar re-took control.

"Martouf, you know." Her voice was faint and desperate. "You know what I did." He looked back at her uncomprehendingly. "You know what I did, what I had to do, to get off... to escape from..." Sam felt Jolinar's self hate, as strong as it ever had been, even as she had lain beneath Bynarr. "Netu." Martouf's eyes went hard. "You should hate me. I betrayed you, Martouf, you should hate me." Martouf didn't answer at once. He stood himself directly in front of her, placing his hands firmly on his upper arms and looking straight into her face.

"Jolinar, look at me." His voice was low and earnest. She obeyed, vision blurring with shameful tears. His touch should be blows, not this gentle hold. "I know and I do not care. You did what you had to in order to escape, then returned to me." Relief, earnest, repentant, feverish relief swept Jolinar. Like a rush of silver from behind an ancient dam. She raised Sam's arms to embrace Martouf again, eyes still shining, twisting her head in to his, but he held her off. His next words were much quieter, and in Goa'uld. "Believe me Jolinar, I want to. I want to and I would, but for Samantha. It was Sam's turn to feel relief, not approaching Jolinar's, but she had dreaded a repeat of what had happened earlier. It then hit Sam that she understood Goa'uld. Martouf had spoken to her in Goa'uld and she had understood. Well, Jolinar had.

"OK," Sam's father addressed the group as they reached the entrance. The inconspicuous absence of Jaffa had made them all uneasy again. "We've got about two hundred yards of open ground before we have any cover at all. I'd guess we'll be under fire. We run like hell, then get behind the trees, I blow this place, we head for the gate and sort out who goes where." The latter needed doing. Jolinar wanted nothing more than to be back in the opalescent crystal, underground. Sam wanted to be beneath ground, but surrounded by concrete, not crystal. She wanted to go home. One thing lowered the stakes in the argument. Rosha. Rosha, Jolinar's host. She was with the Tok'ra. Whichever way Sam and Jolinar went, they wouldn't have to consider each other for long.

"Hey, who put you in charge?" Colonel O'Neill objected.

"Got any better ideas?"

"No, but..."

"Well then. We run on my mark." Colonel O'Neil looked mutinous, but got ready to run with the rest of them, Jolinar still controlling Sam. "Three... two... one... Mark."

* * *

**Also, SG4eva, I wish I could reply to your review privately (nothing bad, don't worry). And, sorry. I thought I had enabled anonymous review.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry for the delay. Blame it on computer viruses and irritating antiviruse software that's got rid of all my shortcuts. Beware Norton.**

**I feel I should explain what Sam's problem with Martouf is. A fair few people have asked so I'm guessing more are wondering.** **It's not that Sam objects to Martouf as such. There are three things scaring her. One. The emotional clash regarding Martouf made Sam realise that Jolinar has the capability to do whatever she wants with her body and she has no way to stop her. Two. While she likes Martouf and accepts that there is potential for a relationship between them, Jolinar is/was in an established physical relationship with him. Jolinar would quite happily pick up where she left off. It would take time for Sam to be ready for that sort of intimacy, time she just hasn't had. Martouf is a friend and, at that time, no more. Sam would have literally no control over her body if Jolinar decided to take things further. Three. The lack of body control alone is scaring her. Martouf has become the symbol of that.**

Within

Jolinar took off at Sam's sprint, racing across the uneven ground. Air tore at Sam's face and body as she ran. Exhilaration flowed into her and Jolinar, each emphasising the other's, spiting the echo of staff blasts around them. Sam felt like she was flying. No fatigue crept unbidden into her muscles as she devoured the ground.

"_This,"_ She thought, _"must be what having a symbiote does to you. No wonder Rosha didn't want to give it up"_ Jolinar didn't answer. She leapt into the air as they neared the tree line, dived forwards and curled Sam's body to roll behind a tree. She returned control to Sam, who watched the other's approach, embarrassed and awed by the power Jolinar had summoned from her body. The other Tok'ra were next, then the rest of SG1 within a few seconds. Her father pulled a detonator from his belt. Hashan and Martouf covered their ears. Sam didn't need Jolinar's prompt to follow suit, neither did Colonel O'Neil, Daniel or Teal'c.

A brilliant flash of red light lit the sky for the briefest moment, then a great roar beat at Sam's covered ears. With it came the unmistakable sound of an explosion. The ground beneath her shuddered. THUD! THUD! They were everywhere. Sam cowered into the tree nervously, seeing everyone else doing the same.

The noise subsided. Sam cautiously lowered her hands, then saw that everyone else was doing the same.

"Everyone OK?" Her father's voice sounded unnaturally quiet. Sam added her dazed response to the five other quiet ascents. "Who did the yield calculations for those charges? They can't do math." His question didn't require an answer.

"Carter, when did you learn to do that dive thing?" Colonel O'Neil's voice sounded as strange as her father's.

"Just now, Sir. It was Jolinar seeing how far she could push me." Sam stood up, twisting to face the outpost, levelling her P-90. The shock of what she saw hit her like a bullet. What moments before had been a stout, sturdy-looking outpost had become a crater of smoking carnage. The wall nearest them was still standing, just, the other three were only rocks, strewn across the clearing with the remains of the roof. That explained the thuds.

Radiation. She had no idea what sort of explosives the Tok'ra had used. They probably didn't have to worry about it. She didn't have the detector. Damn it.

"Sir," She called. "Rad levels could be high. We need to get out of here."

"Radiation is unlikely to pose a threat, even to you." Hashan contradicted her. "However, this will prompt the return of all patrolling Jaffa. Our work is done. We should retreat."

"Let's go." Colonel O'Neil ordered, turning away from the wreckage. Sam fell into line behind him automatically.

The eerie silence continued, still making all eight of them uneasy. Jolinar was silent now. Sam was focused entirely on her surroundings, no longer trying to fathom what had happened to her, just accepting it for the time being.

The sight of the unguarded gate brought relief to Sam. It looked as if the edges of Crono's trap were still perfect.

"So what now?" Colonel O'Neil wasted no time in getting to the point once the area was secure.

"You take the remainder of your team back to the Tau'ri," Hashan provided, "Jolinar comes with us to seek a more permanent host."

"Hey." Sam cut in before Colonel O'Neil or anyone else could. "We don't need to look for a host."

"You're assuming Rosha will take Jolinar." Daniel predicted, correctly.

"It would be an understatement to say that I would be surprised if she didn't." Lantash put in.

"So the only question is, do you go back to the SGC and we bring Rosha to you, or do you come back to the Tok'ra base?" Her father had it about right. Sam felt Jolinar ask for control and complied. She felt her mouth move, unbidden by her.

"Separation is more difficult than blending at best, more so if the symbiote took the host recently. I do not trust myself to separate cleanly. I have not been in Major Carter an hour." It was Sam's turn to ask for control.

"So it's probably a good idea if it's done in the SGC. If something does happen, at least I don't have to be moved,"

"And I'm guessing you trust the earth medics more." Her father finished for her.

"I will return to the Tok'ra base." Martouf spoke for the first time since the outpost. "Rosha is as likely to come with me as anyone, you aside, Jolinar, and she resents Samantha."

"Can't blame her." Sam muttered.

"I'll come back with you and explain all this to George." Her father added. "Hashan, go with Martouf."

"Daniel, dial out." Colonel O'Neil ordered. Daniel obeyed silently. Jolinar turned to Martouf. Sam's unnerving feeling of not being in control intensified. Their eyes met for a moment. Then Jolinar turned towards the gate, relinquishing control.

As Sam put the first foot on the ramp in the Gateroom, General Hammond's voice reached her.

"Good to see you back SG1, Jacob." He was standing at the foot of the ramp. "I assume the sarcophagus worked. I was informed that Major Carter had been killed."

"She was, Sir." Colonel O'Neil replied. "Sarcophagus did its job, but it put a snake in her head." Indignant amusement from Jolinar.

"It is a Tok'ra, George," Her father put in. "We checked." General Hammond looked thoroughly confused now.

"Briefing room." He said shortly.

**I'm not done yet. No way. One more major twist inbound. If I may imitate Rolf Harris, "Can you tell what it is yet?"**


	9. Chapter 9

**Sorry for the delay. The antivirus which I used to kill the virus which did my internet in has in turn killed my internet. AAAAARGH! Now fixed (at long last).**

**Piece of advice: If you value your sanity, avoid Norton like the plague.**

**And also, thanks for the reviews. You're keeping me writing guys.**

Within

The de-briefing was long and tedious. Jolinar made Sam more restless than she might have been otherwise, she was eager to move, to find out what Sam was capable of, even if the arrangement was only temporary. When General Hammond finally released them, Jolinar got up, not waiting for the others or Sam's consent, and set off at a fast walk, just going where Sam's body led her. They had barely got in sight of the elevator, however, when Sergeant Hariman's voice rang through the base, making her start.

"Unscheduled off-world activation!" Martouf. He was back. Rosha. She had to see her. Sam could see how protective Jolinar was of her host, and how protective Rosha was of her symbiote. They belonged together now. It hurt both to be apart, even without the emotional clashes between Sam and Jolinar.

They ran, the fifty metres back to the control room vanishing underfoot. Jolinar halted there only long enough to hear some reference to a Tok'ra IDC and General Hammond's order to open the iris. Sam felt Jolinar's expectant joy as if it were her own. She didn't resent Jolinar for taking her as a host, she'd had no choice. She just followed Jolinar's desire to return to what she considered her true form. Rosha was part of her now, she completed her.

Into the gateroom. The guard stood down as she halted at the base of the ramp, waiting. The event horizon rippled.

"Martouf." Sam felt the warm glow in her chest ignite again. Then it faltered. No one followed him through the gate. Her senses caught up with themselves. Fear. Fear and pain. That was what she saw now she really looked at him. "Where is Rosha?"

"She is gone Jolinar." His voice showed as much distress as his face. "No one has seen her since I left the base two days ago. They searched and found her tracks near to the Stargate. She could be anywhere." Sam felt her face fall. Fear, only a fraction of which was hers flooded her. If anything had happened to Rosha...

"Briefing room." General Hammond had caught up with them.

Jolinar alone, Sam thought, would have refused outright to go to the briefing room. In fact, Sam got the impression that only her own stoic obedience had made Jolinar go. Sam could feel Jolinar battling to hold her tongue until everyone was seated.

"I have to go after Rosha." She said, not waiting for General Hammond to start.

"I can't let you do that. The situation as I see it is, two years ago, you took control of Major Carter, without her consent, indirectly costing us the lives of three airmen and nearly one of my best officers. Some time later, that officer is killed and when she's revived, you are inhabiting her, again without her consent. Now you're asking me to send her off on a wild goose chase after someone who could be anywhere in the galaxy. Also, you're a security risk. If you've got all Major Carter's knowledge, that's a lot we don't want the Goa'uld to know."

"The same can be said for Sam." Jolinar replied coldly. "She knows all I do of the Tok'ra. She is as much a risk to us as I am to you. The easiest way to negate both risks is to use a large calibre pistol bullet to sever her brain stem and my spine with a single shot." Jolinar waited, knowing she'd called the bluff. She didn't think General Hammond would sacrifice Sam like that. "I have endured torture." She continued quietly. "I will guard Sam's knowledge of your defences as I would my own knowledge of the Tok'ra. Nor will Sam yield our secrets under pressure." She added the last sentence at Sam's prompt. "As for Rosha, I know where she is."

"How exactly?" General Hammond challenged.

"General," There was a fervent intensity to Jolinar's words now. "I shared every part of my mind with Rosha for a century. I understand her. She will have gone to Eanora, P3X 717."

"Where we found her." Daniel put in.

"Yes." Jolinar replied. "General, let me go after her with Martouf. I will return Sam to you (without a symbiote) within six days. I am confident in this."

"Why can't I just send a UAV?"

"Two reasons: Firstly, Eanora is forested and Rosha is adept at hiding. Secondly, even if you locate her, she will have to be retrieved. I will find her. That will not be a problem."

"Why can't I just send SG1?"

" The difficulty will lie in covering ground quickly. Rosha can cover twenty miles in a day. With Sam, I could do... forty. As can Martouf. That will be the fastest way to get Sam back to you as she was. We will catch Rosha in two days and return in another four. SG1 can probably go little faster than Rosha on foot. I acknowledge that your flagship team are good, but I doubt that they are that good. It could take weeks to catch her. I am certain that I will be able to separate from Sam safely in two days time." Jolinar, deciding she'd done all she could, handed control back to Sam.

"Sir," She started, painfully aware of how hard it would be to influence General Hammond at all after Jolinar, "I know it sounds like a long shot, but I really think Jolinar can do this. As far as I can see, the priorities here are finding Rosha and getting Jolinar back into her ASAP. Jolinar's priorities are the same as ours. Please, Sir, give her a chance." There was a long silence.

"Major," General Hammond said finally, "you have a go. Depart in one hour and take Teal'c with you." Jolinar's satisfaction seeped into Sam, making her grin as she got up.

"Chevron seven, locked." Sam, Martouf and Teal'c strode up the ramp. Sam and Jolinar had argued briefly about weapons, but it was a P-90, a Zat and a knife that went through the gate with them. The dark pines of P3X 717 materialised before them. They began to run, passing the MALP, Jolinar setting the course.

BANG! A single staff blast rang through the clearing. Teal'c fell. Sam and Martouf turned to see a single Jaffa. He was dead before he had time to duck, five P-90 bullets lodged in his chest. Martouf ran to the body.

"Teal'c!" Sam dropped beside him. The blast had hit him in the back of the leg, it must have all but destroyed the tendons in his knee. There was no way in hell he could walk, let alone run. "We need to get you to the infirmary." She heard Martouf behind her.

"That Jaffa had the equipment for mineral tests. He was probably alone"

"We need to get Teal'c back to the infirmary." That was the most important thing at that moment, by far.

"I will stay with you Major Carter." Teal'c's voice was strained. He had to be in a lot of pain.

"God, Teal'c, you can't run like this, no one could. We need to get you to Doctor Fraiser." Teal'c didn't seem to have the will to fight. He let Martouf help him over to the Stargate while Sam dialled and transmitted the IDC.

**Any guesses on what those are or why Rosha's gone. My beta (a member of my family) had a lot of interesting theories (voluntarily/forced, fleeing/seeking/for her knowledge...). I wanna see what everyone else is thinking on this one.**


	10. Chapter 10

**OK, thank you all for massive patience. Loving the predictions. Keep them and any nitpicks coming. **

Within

General Hammond had told them to carry on without Teal'c, so now Sam and Martouf were running. Jolinar adjusted their path every so often, but other than that they just ran. There was little undergrowth beneath the giant pines, little light, so they ran unimpeded. The sun began to sink. Sam strapped her torch to her P-90 so that they could see where they were going. As the light failed almost entirely, Jolinar called a halt. Sam's legs ached from the run, she and Martouf were gasping for breath.

Sam dropped to the ground and pulled out her rations, eating and quenching her thirst (which was less than it should have been) quickly, desiring sleep. As she shifted her body, about to lie down, a wave of till then suppressed emotions hit her. Longing, frustration, loss. Each permeating her body as if her own, but alien, Jolinar's. Sam yielded control without ever deciding to. Jolinar spoke at once, disjointed, fractious.

"I...This feels... strange...wrong."

"What do you mean, Jolinar?" Martouf asked quietly.

"What do I mean?" Jolinar's voice rose quickly. "What did this always mean?" Martouf just looked at her blankly, so she pressed on. "There's no one else for miles around, the high council have not given us an objective, it is night and we are alone. What does that always mean?"

Sam would have been able to answer that if Jolinar hadn't been in her head. Martouf had also caught on. Jolinar knew him well enough to read his signals. Apprehension bit into Sam. Yes, she liked Martouf, but not in that way. He was Jolinar's mate, Rosha's, not hers. She couldn't contemplate it, not now at any rate. But the being inside her mind could. She could contemplate it, remember it, desire it. What if Jolinar abused her power over Sam's body, used it to get what she obviously wanted.

"But we can't." The involuntary movement of Sam's mouth startled out of her own mind. "Because I'm in the wrong body, we can't, however much I want to." Jolinar's voice was bitter. Martouf didn't respond. Jolinar seemed to have no more to say. She just lay down to sleep, misery replacing the frustration against the loss and longing.

When she awoke in the cold light of dawn, Sam had a clear sense of purpose, driven by her desire and Jolinar's together. It was sort of... armed neutrality. Sam rolled over. She wasn't stiff. She'd spent a night in the open and there wasn't a trace of stiffness in her body.

Jolinar. It had to be. She must have done something to prevent the stiffness. Sam felt Jolinar acknowledge her gratitude, then noticed Martouf watching her.

"Good morning." His level, calm voice didn't quite disguise his uncertainty. He didn't know who he was speaking to.

"Morning." Sam replied. "I'm Sam by the way." She added uncertainly. He nodded in acknowledgement. "Can I ask you a question?"

"You may."

"When did you and Lantash last argue?" Sam's question was intended to relieve the mutual sense of guilt in her and Jolinar. Sam wasn't sure what she could have done wrong, but couldn't shake the sense that there'd been something.

"What Jolinar said last night made you ask?" Martouf guessed correctly.

"Yeah." Sam admitted.

"Lantash and I have not truly... fought for many years. Minor differences of opinion are much more frequent. I learned quickly that it was better to try and reason with Lantash than to fight him as such. It is painful for symbiote and host. If it reassures you, Samantha, we are in agreement that we will not approach you, or accept any approach from you unless we are certain that both you and Jolinar are willing."

It did reassure her. Even as Sam felt Jolinar's exasperation with her mate's chivalrous behaviour and her resignation to it, her own relief prevailed.

"Thanks." She said, not quite returning his gaze. Jolinar retook control, not even considering trying to talk Martouf round. He had a great capacity to be stubborn when he wanted to be.

"Martouf, if we are swift, we may catch Rosha by nightfall." He nodded once in response, then they were running again. They were running and Sam forgot the discomfort of the night before, forgot the need to find Rosha, even forgot that she wasn't meant to be able to run like that. Her exhilaration and Jolinar's purpose mixed bizarrely in their minds, but both embraced it.

The sun rose and began to sink again. Sam turned her torch back on as dusk fell. It was a long time after that that Lantash called a halt, asking Jolinar if she wanted to run Sam to death. Both ate in uncomfortable silence, the memory of desire too close. Lantash lay down quickly, facing away.

Jolinar didn't move. Her eyes, Sam's eyes, were fixed on him. Sam could feel Jolinar's emotions pulsing through her body, making it react but still so alien. Jolinar's desire was threatening to overwhelm her, frustration ran with it, but neither hid Sam's trepidation, in spite of what Martouf had said that morning. But Sam could feel the edge of a desire, a desire that wasn't hers creeping through the barrier between their minds. Jolinar's emotions were fixed, they'd never change, Sam knew that. Just as Jolinar knew, though all she believed in forbade it, she could just take control of Sam. Jolinar's frustration was as much directed at Martouf as Sam. He was being considerate. She didn't want him to be. She wanted him to let go, give his emotions free rein, act on instinct.

"_What harm could it do?"_ Jolinar's voice was clear in Sam's head. _"You would be safe, no one would ever know."_

"_No."_ Sam would have looked round, away from Martouf. _"You know I can't. There's just no way I can do it."_

"_You wouldn't have to do anything."_

"_Jolinar, __I__don't__love__him__. And if I did, it would make things worse, not better. Where would that leave Rosha, imagine how she'd feel if you came into her head and brought that with you, if she saw...?"_ Jolinar seemed to have no answer to that, but it didn't stop the mounting pressure of emotions. For what felt like a long time they were frozen, still facing Martouf who was facing stoically away.


	11. Chapter 11

**Some people will hate me for this one. It's a longer chapter, but next week looks very slow in terms of writing. Hope to have chapter 12 up by 30/5/10/.**

Within

The next movement was only of Sam's mouth, of Jolinar calling softly, calling to Martouf. Fear bit into Sam again, but it was receding, that scared Sam as much as anything else.

"No, Jolinar." He replied firmly, but there was something in his voice...

"Martouf, I..." Jolinar stopped abruptly, looked down then up again, and continued, "I don't need to lie with you as such, I just need to... feel you." She stopped again, twisting her neck. "Martouf, I just want to be held." Sam could feel the plaintive note in Jolinar's voice, but also the truth in what she'd said. She felt safe in Jolinar's arms and right now, that was all she needed. Yes, she wanted more, but she'd settle for less easily enough. She forced back her instinctive fear. Jolinar wouldn't hurt her. Neither had to be hurt. Martouf rolled over and half sat up, then froze.

"_She's not asking for much."_

"_Lantash, we cannot treat them as one entity. Samantha never chose this. Jolinar took her to survive. She has her own mind, her own feelings."_

"_She's our mate Martouf."_

"_She is, yes. But they've not been blended a week. They are still very separate. But then again, if Samantha is willing to allow it..."_

"_If she is, there is no reason we should not. Deny it as you please, we did find her attractive. She is Jolinar's host; Jolinar is our mate so..."_

"_But if she is not willing..."_

"_Then obviously we have no right to force her, neither does Jolinar. That is of the Goa'uld."_

"_Then..."_

"_Ask. Or leave all of us in the dark."_ Martouf knew Lantash was right. Samantha had the right to refuse, but if she did not, they and Jolinar could and would. It would be a matter of ensuring that no one changed their terms. Another uncomfortable awareness was growing in Martouf. He'd seen that Samantha was beautiful as he'd met her. He hadn't anticipated it causing this problem, neither had Lantash. They both belonged to Rosha and Jolinar, that would never change, but the fifth being... It didn't make this any easier.

"You heard what I said." He spoke aloud now

"Sam's alright with it."

"Samantha? Jolinar, do you honestly think I don't..." He cut himself off abruptly at Lantash's prompt. Jolinar dipped her head momentarily.

"It's OK." Samantha's sharp blue eyes, barely different to Rosha's by daylight, met his momentarily, then flickered away. Was it really, if she couldn't meet his eye? "Look, she's inside my head, you probably understand all this better than I do, but so far as I can tell, she doesn't want... She'll leave it at that." Martouf looked away.

"_She's given her consent."_

"_I know. We can."_

"_And there's no denying that a part of one or both of us wants to."_

"_No."_

Jolinar retook control from Samantha as he looked back, getting to his feet and approaching her. Jolinar didn't move as he stepped behind her and lay down. She twisted to face him, leaving her legs as they had been, but her face was close to his now, very close. She touched her fingertips to his face. She wanted to kiss him. He could feel her breath on his skin, warm, soft.

Sam gathered herself, fully aware of what Jolinar was about to do. She'd bear it. It's just a kiss. She was fine with that. Then she felt his mouth against hers. Her body reacted, Jolinar's influence driving it. Their mouths parted again, Sam felt her face against his, unbidden, each exploring the other. Jolinar moved her hands to his body, holding him. He reciprocated, closing his arms around her. She pulled her head back for the briefest of moments, then her mouth found his again. The wave after wave of contentment, joy, that flooded her body and Jolinar's were far from unpleasant. God, but this felt weird. Jolinar's wild joy, her mouth exploring another's, being explored, as if of its own free will, her own fear dissolving as she began to realise, really realise, that she could bear this. With Jolinar's emotions flooding her like this it was easy, too easy. There was little or no rationality in Jolinar's mind now. She was lost in him, not thinking, just being. Sam began to let herself slide away into Jolinar's mind; it was easier not to fight. She could enjoy this now.

They broke apart. Jolinar stayed for a moment, gazing back into his eyes, wordless thanks in hers. The anxiety, the discomfort, the tension had receded into non-being. The warm glow in her core did not fade as she twisted to face away from him again, settling back against his chest. He changed his hold on her. One arm slid under her body, closing around her waist, the other did the same from above. Jolinar lay still a long time, basking in his presence.

It had been a long time since he'd held her like this. It had been before any of this, the Ash'rak, separating from Rosha. They'd been on Glaranstir, near the end of a three day journey on foot, intended to lose any trackers. She remembered it so vividly. She could feel the grass beneath her, even now. She had drawn her uppermost leg, her left, into her chest. His left hand had slid from her waist, up across her abdomen, then onto her hip, along her thigh, his touch firm, almost gripping her. It would have been a struggle to escape his impassioned hold if she'd wanted to. His hands left trails of flame across skin. His right hand was moving now, tracing over her, reaching for her breast. His left hand slid to the inside of her leg. His mouth followed the line of her neck, the breath she could feel there was hard and fast, hot against her skin. His hand reached her breast. She shivered. She could wait no longer. She rolled over in his arms and felt his mouth on hers. Fire poured into her blood, making her shiver again...

...Sam gasped and jerked. Her foot connected with something, hard. She half rolled, half scrambled into the darkness, freezing at an awkward half-crouch. It hadn't been real. Of course it hadn't. She was still on Eanora. Jolinar's memories. Jolinar's bloody memories. She dropped into a more natural sitting position, panting a little, and looked around at Martouf. He was also sitting up, one hand over his right shin. That was what she'd kicked. He noticed her looking at him, made eye contact for a heartbeat, then said,

"I should not have consented to that. Forgive me Samantha. I should have known better." Sam shook her head.

"That wasn't your fault. I was OK with... what happened, but Jolinar... thought stuff afterwards. In her head, she took it further. Much further. Further than I'm prepared to go."

Martouf lay down and rolled over, facing away. Sam did the same, curling into a tight ball and feeling Jolinar's frustration, her anger. Split between the two of them. She was cursing herself from losing control with what she was thinking of as a `nervous host`. She was cursing Sam for over-reacting.

"Look," Sam growled mentally, "this will only stop when you're back in Rosha. Finding her is the most important thing right now. Everything else will have to wait." She felt Jolinar's unwilling assent, then nothing more.

**I'm going to get one hell of a telling off from some people for this chapter. Justifications: Jolinar didn't set out to do that, she lost control of her thoughts. So far as Sam was concerned at the time, that was a bit of a jump. No one say it wasn't. We all know where Jolinar's thought train was leading. Even so, feel free to rant at me.**


	12. Chapter 12

**This chapter is very short. It's only fair warning. I'm trying to get this darn thing posted quickly, next week there will be nothing. I will have no internet. Be warned. I wanted to be sure of posting something before I ran off.**

Within

Jolinar woke Sam quickly next morning. She and Martouf were determinedly avoiding each other's eyes. Jolinar's thoughts were words again.

"_Sam, let me apologise for how my emotions, and actions, over the past few days have been making you feel."_

"_It's OK."_ Sam lied, feeling she would have felt more forgiving if Jolinar had really been sorry. _"I guess I should apologise for letting on about Netu." _For that, she was genuinely sorry.

"_I cannot blame you. You believed me gone. I would ask you to keep any more secrets of mine you may discover."_

"_Sure. If you keep how I feel about... to yourself."_ Sam tried to keep that from, let alone to, herself. She didn't know how she'd cope if it got out.

"_I will not even tell Martouf, once he has forgiven me."_ Sam got the feeling that that wouldn't be long, a few hours at most.

"_Thanks."_

Five minutes later, they were running again, flying over the dark earth, carpeted in the shed needles of the pines. The sun was barely up over the trees, when Jolinar raised a hand to halt Martouf. Naquadah. She needed that sense now. She focused, as if straining her ears for sound, on the movements of the metal in her living blood. Lantash's presence half blinded her in one direction, but in the other... there was something there, enough for it to be one who had been a host, enough for it to be Rosha.

"I think I sense her." Jolinar murmured to Martouf, then took off again at the same frantic pace.

"Tracks." Martouf halted her a moment later. "Very fresh tracks, they could be from this morning."

Guided half by the tracks and half by the Naquadah, they set off again. Jolinar's pulse was racing, making Sam's race in turn, not from their frantic pace. They were nearly there. Rosha was so close. She was part of Jolinar, Jolinar was part of her. Their separation must have hurt Rosha as much as it was hurting her, but it was over. Sam felt her own, quiet relief at the prospect of having her thoughts to herself again, but it was like a candle beside the inferno of Jolinar's elation. For barely half an hour, they ran beside the tracks. Then they broke the crest of a rise, the lip of a hollow, and froze, looking down.

Rosha was there, but the sight of her brought no joy, or even relief. A dull horror rose in Sam's chest. It wasn't hers, but still she felt it as if it were, as if it were a member of her team. Rosha lay there, lifeless, the ground around her stained red, her blood soaking into the dark soil, turning it steadily darker. Two slash wounds marked her wrists, her skin was white as the driven snow, except where the crimson stained it. Martouf stumbled fowards and dropped to his knees beside her, two fingers frantically searching her neck, seeking the echo of her heart, life's rhythm, her pulse.

**Well, there's the complication for you. Micro-chapter, I know. Sorry about that, absence of foresight on my part. So, is Rosha dead? Either way, what happened here and why? Tell me what you think.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Seriously angsty chapter. Be warned. I am now home and dry(ish). By the end of this week, I should be able to pick up my pace a little. **

Within

"Is she...?" Jolinar's voice was faint from dread.

"Just." Martouf sighed with relief, reaching round for his pack with his free hand.

"What do you think did this to her?" Jolinar's voice was faster now, scared. "A Jaffa? A wild animal? We might have scared it off..." Martouf shook his head at her, eyes dark with pain.

"She did this to herself, Jolinar." He looked down at Rosha's wounds again, tensing with pain. "One knife, here," He indicated the ground beside him. "This wrist effectively cut, the other not so. She must have... done this one first, then not been able to do the other for... blood loss."

"How could she do this?" Jolinar spoke aloud, but not really to Martouf. He had looked away again, searching in his pack. Jolinar looked down at Rosha's pale face. She had to blend with her now. She turned Rosha's head to the side, facing her, and lay down.

"What are you doing?" Martouf almost shouted it.

"I can save her." Jolinar replied, desperation showing. "There's still..."

"No, Jolinar, think. She's dying from blood loss. When you blend, she will bleed, it's unavoidable. By the time you'd blended fully enough to help her; she'd be too far gone. I'd lose both of you." His voice was on the point of cracking. He lowered his head and closed his eyes momentarily, giving over to Lantash.

Jolinar sat up again and looked down at Rosha, the creature she understood best in the universe, and one word resonated in her mind. Why? Why had she done this? The backs of her eyes prickled. No.

"Did you..." Jolinar was struggling to speak. "Did you have any idea that..."

Lantash knew what she meant. "No. Her behaviour was... strange but..." Lantash gave back over to Martouf,

"Strange?" Jolinar probed, wondering if something had forewarned Rosha, always such a fighter, trying to...

"To begin with, she grieved as we expected her to." Martouf wasn't looking at her, still searching in his pack. "She was angry with Samantha, the Tau'ri on the whole, Cronos, the Ash'rak, herself for letting you leave her. She cried, couldn't make up her mind if she wanted to be alone or not, she was restless. I could understand that. I could handle it."Martouf paused, the furrows in his brow deepening. "Then after two weeks, I was sent off to do a battlefield sweep. I was gone maybe a day, but when I came back, the crying had stopped."

"Wasn't that good?"

"So had everything else though. She didn't cry, she wasn't angry, everything stopped. She... she became totally placid. No, that doesn't cover it. She spoke when spoken to, not always then. She didn't care about anything. She didn't object to anything, she wasn't enthusiastic about anything. Even when... I got so sick of it, I hit her once. I actually hit her. I needed her to react, to anything. I didn't care what. But she didn't. She didn't try to hit me back, she didn't try to work out if she was injured, she didn't even ask me why I'd done it. Cronos, I should have known something like this would happen." Martouf's voice cracked and he fell silent.

"This isn't your fault." Jolinar said quietly. "You couldn't have known." Martouf made eye contact briefly, then looked back at his pack and produced a healing device, keeping one hand firmly on Rosha's jugular.

"Don't you have a biosensor?"

"No. They're not standard gear any more. We lost a lot of them when we last changed base." Martouf settled himself, holding the device above Rosha's slashed wrist. He closed his eyes. There was no point trying to talk to him now.

Jolinar handed control back to Sam with the words,

"I can't stand this." Sam instinctively lifted Rosha's other wrist, the less effectively cut one, to try and lessen the bleeding. Her hand felt cold, the bleeding was so slow now, for a wrist wound. Rosha's blood pressure and heart beat must be so low. How long had she lain like this? Bleeding to death. How much blood had she lost? It had to be at least two pints, or more. Had she lost three? Three pints. With that much blood gone, there was little or no hope for her. Jolinar was still in a state of shock. Fragments of what Martouf had said were beginning to sink in. Rosha, shutting down, scarcely speaking, not caring about anything. It was just wrong. Rosha had always had opinions and been unafraid of voicing them. She could never have been described as placid, she had as much of a temper as Lantash, who Martouf generally kept under control.

Martouf had hit Rosha. How far did Martouf have to be pushed before he hit another Tok'ra, let alone her? And Rosha hadn't even reacted to that! Her philosophy had always been if hit, hit back at least as hard, though that might not have applied to Martouf. But she hadn't even asked him why he'd done it.

It seemed a very long time that Sam sat there, holding Rosha's hand and watching Martouf, Jolinar's crippling pain permeating her all the while. It was inescapable.

"_What do we do if Rosha...?" _Sam began to ask, not daring to finish. Jolinar couldn't bear the thought of it, yet she answered Sam.

"_We go back to the Stargate and start looking for another host."_ The implications of that, to Jolinar, were huge. The loss of Rosha would be enough to deal with, but she could very well lose Martouf. The new host could be male, old, too old, or a child. The chances of finding a female of a reasonable age were remote, and she knew it. There was also a chance that she wouldn't be able to hold on to Martouf if her host fought against her feelings. The host might never learn to love him.

"_Given enough time,"_ Sam commented, unasked, "_I don't think you'd have a problem."_

**Can't be bothered to do a cliff-hanger ending. I'll be surprised if anyone's upset!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks again for all the reviews. I wouldn't bother to do this half as fast if no one reviewed, so thanks for giving me a hobby of sorts. Also, big thank you to all those who have been reading this dutifully since Host. You have the patience of saints. **

Within

"This wound is sealed." The sound of Martouf's voice made Sam jump a little. He got up and walked around to Sam's side and crouched down beside her. "Are you alright?" Sam nodded.

"I s'pose so. Jolinar's not." Jolinar took control back from Sam.

"You must feel as bad." She said to Martouf. "It's... it's seeing her having done this when she wasn't captured, she wasn't being tortured. She was on base..."

"You've done this before!"

"We managed it twice, on Netu. They put us in a sarcophagus both times, so we gave up." Jolinar broke off, wondering if she dared speak her mind, voice her fear. She trusted him. "It's not just her I'll lose, is it? I'll lose you."

Martouf looked at her for a moment, then raised his arms and embraced her. Jolinar released Rosha's hand and clung to him, breathing now anything but steady,

"You're not going to lose her. She's strong. She always was." For a moment, he just held her, giving Jolinar a little time to steady herself. The instant she began to regain control of her tremulous breathing, he released her, returning to Rosha's remaining wound.

Jolinar couldn't bear sitting still. She got up and began to pace, striding to and fro. Her strides began to settle into a rhythm, a sequence. It felt, to Sam, like Martial arts.

"_Lok'nel."_ Jolinar answered Sam's unasked question. _"It was invented for, and by, Jaffa, but there's no reason a Goa'uld can't use it."_

"_You're not a Goa'uld, you're a Tok'ra. If you weren't you'd have let me die with you."_

"_I was when I learnt this."_ Sam felt the movements Jolinar was asking of her body growing steadily more difficult. _"I used it when I was recovering from withdrawal."_

"_What?"_

"_When you've been addicted to the sarcophagus for a long time, withdrawal gets a lot worse. There are two factors; intensity and duration. What you saw in Daniel wasn't much less intense than mine, but his exposure was a matter of days. Mine was years. When it's been over a certain period, withdrawal gets longer. I was incapacitated for a month, then for the next year, I kept having seizures. I'd collapse and it would be half an hour before I could stand. I found that working hard at something kept the seizures at bay. I chose Lok'nel."_ Jolinar's mind returned to the physical. Right now, it was a safer place to be.

Jolinar just kept going. Hard blows struck the air around her, faster all the time. Then one didn't. Her striking arm was pushed to one side as she twisted. Martouf stood there.

"Her wounds are sealed." He looked a lot calmer than he had. "And I think if she had been going to die, she would have done so." Jolinar returned to a more natural standing position.

"Do you have any idea what made her..."

Martouf shook his head. "Grief? Why now though? Why more than a month after she found out."

"I have no idea." Jolinar confessed. "Do you think it is safe to blend now, or wait?"

"She'd probably survive if you were to, but she's lost a lot of blood. You'd do better to wait until she regains consciousness." Jolinar nodded and went to sit by Rosha. Martouf sat down on her other side. He may have been calmer, but he was in no way calm. Neither was Jolinar.

Sam had no idea how long they sat there in tense silence. Then Rosha stirred. Her head tilted right, towards Martouf. The fingers of her left hand curled a little. She sighed. Her eyes flickered open and found Martouf. Jolinar stayed silent and still, letting her take in one thing at a time.

"Martouf." Her voice was weak.

"Rosha." His betrayed his relief.

He slid his hands beneath her shoulders and pulled her upright into his embrace. Turmoil exploded in Jolinar's chest. Joy at seeing Rosha so definitely alive. Defensiveness at seeing Martouf embrace another. Pain at seeing Rosha so broken. Rosha closed her eyes, resting her head on his shoulder and returning his embrace, clinging to him as if she were drowning. Martouf spoke again, one word that showed only pain.

"Why?"

"I'm sorry Martouf." Liquid glistened on Rosha's closed eyes. "I'm so sorry. I... I just wasn't strong enough. I couldn't do it. Every time anyone switched control in front of me, it was like a knife in my chest, and it never stopped. Everyone was constantly showing me what I'd lost. I've never felt so alone. I couldn't even... be with you properly. I felt like I was only half there, like I was cheating you somehow, like I couldn't be who I had been, your mate."

Martouf let her talk herself into silence stroking the back of her head with one hand, then said. "It's over Rosha." She shook her head, drawing breath to contradict him. "No, hear me out." He released her and looked at Sam. Rosha followed his gaze. Fresh, resigned pain blossomed in her eyes. She looked down. "This is not as it appears. Three days ago, Samantha was killed by Cronos. She was revived by his altered sarcophagus, which needed only genetic code and memories to revive one long dead. Jolinar's protein marker and residual memories in Samantha were enough. She still resides in Samantha. It is her Rosha. She has returned to us."

Hope flickered in Rosha's dull eyes as she turned them on Jolinar.

"Is it you?" Her voice was barely more than a whisper. "Is it really you?"

"Ask me anything." Jolinar's voice was no louder. Rosha paused for a moment.

"My mother's name?"

"Niethe"

"My father's?"

"Malaurn"

"Your mother's?"

"Venus."

"Your father's?"

"No idea. A drugged slave." Rosha paused for longer, as if gathering courage.

"Tell me what we never told anyone." Martouf got to his feet and moved a few paces away. Jolinar leant closer to Rosha, dropping her voice.

"How we escaped from Netu. We did it by..." In that second, Sam felt she was prying on shared pain, shared shame, buried horror. "by taking advantage of Bynarr. There were rings in his quarters." Rosha looked at her, expression unreadable, even to Jolinar.

"It is you. Jolinar, I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. Wait and think it." Rosha dropped quickly to the bloody ground, understanding Jolinar's request to blend and accepting it. Martouf turned and crouched back down next to them.

**I still can't be bothered to do cliffhangers. I don't hear anyone complaining.**


	15. Chapter 15

**Micro-chapter again. Sorry. **

Within

Rosha dropped quickly to the bloody ground, understanding Jolinar's request to blend and accepting it. Martouf turned and crouched back down next to them. Jolinar mirrored Rosha. They lay face to face, barely a foot apart.

"How do you plan to do this?" Martouf asked.

"Go down," Jolinar began, "enter the oesophagus about half way down it, but I'll set the repairs for that up first, then move up and out. It won't be easy, it's only been three days, but I can do it." A stab of resigned revulsion crossed Sam. She had to endure this or stay Jolinar's host. Jolinar gave Sam control. She lay still, trying not to tense.

She gasped. Pain tore into life along her neck, then began to move as it had before. Then it changed. A single stab of blinding pain tore her chest apart. She cried out. The pain held its level for what seemed an eternity, then began to lessen, the tearing pain returning. Sam gagged, she felt like she was going to vomit. She couldn't breathe. Her airway was blocked, she was choking. She heard the high, piercing cries of a symbiote, felt her airway clear, took one gasp of breath and fell in to the waiting blackness.

She was on her side in the recovery position. A dull ache nagged at her throat, but that was all. She opened her eyes. She wasn't facing Rosha anymore, she had been rolled over. She lifted her head a fraction.

"Samantha?" Martouf's voice came from behind her. Experimentally, she sat up, turning to face him, and a prone Rosha. Nothing. She felt nearly fine. Her throat ached, she tasted blood, but that was it.

"How long was I out?" Her voice was steadier than she'd expected.

"Perhaps two or three minutes? No more."

"That's all?" Martouf nodded in response, took a slow breath, then said, "Samantha, before Rosha wakes, I feel I should say that... I honestly do not know if any feelings I had for you when we first met were genuine, or a response to the loss of Jolinar. You were all that was left of her. I don't suppose we will ever know. Jolinar is my mate and I will not abandon her while she lives." He paused. "I doubt it made the situation with Jolinar's emotions any easier."

"It was hard." Sam admitted. "There were times that I was really scared. Her feelings for you are very... powerful. You did make it easier though."

Both fell silent. Again, Sam had no idea how long it was before she heard an intake of breath. Rosha was stirring. Martouf was beside her at once. She opened her eyes and looked at him, eyes beginning to focus.

"Martouf."

"Rosha." She relaxed her neck, sighed, smiled and said,

"I feel whole." She sat up and traced her fingertips over Martouf's face. She moved her face close to his. Sam looked quickly away. As she did so, an uncomfortable realisation hit her. Now she was just in the way in the way. Jolinar had been longing for him for days and although she now had a willing host, she and Martouf were no longer alone

"We should move." The sound of Rosha's voice told Sam it was safe to turn round. "We've got a lot of ground to cover." The three of them got to their feet and began to walk. They had barely gone three paces before Rosha froze.

"Oh Ra." Her voice was faint again. "Martouf, you know. You know what we did." Martouf turned to her, saying:

"Do I have to repeat myself? I've told you once; I don't care. You did what you had to, escaped then returned to me. Just let it be." He almost sounded exasperated. This time, when she went to embrace him, he didn't stop her. Sam turned away and started walking again. She way just in the way. They'd catch up. It was about a minute before they did.

Their pace was furious, Sam was quickly short of breath. They walked in silence until after dusk had fallen. Sam had the torch on her P-90 turned on. She also had the feeling that Jolinar and Martouf had been walking hand in hand all day. This only served to make her more uncomfortable.

Without warning, darkness covered them. Sam shook the torch vigorously, then swore.

"Can you fix that?" Rosha was only just visible. Sam's eyes were still adjusting.

"In the dark, not a chance." She replied. "In the morning, I expect so."

"So what do we do?" Rosha was visible now.

"We stop here." Martouf said shortly. "If we go on, we'll be walking into trees soon enough." Rosha dropped to the ground at once. Martouf lowered himself next to her. Sam's feeling of being in the way intensified sharply.

"_This is just great."_ She thought. _"We're stuck in the middle of nowhere with a broken torch and I'm just in their way. On top of that, my head still feels like it's been ransacked."_

**Yeah, I know. Micro-chapter. My beta (i.e. Mum) had some interesting comments at this point. Love to hear yours.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Just so I make my code clear, italics means spoken inside someone's head, either thoughts or communication with symbiote. Ellipsis (...) means that you're going into or coming out of a flashback.**

Within

Rosha dropped to the ground at once. Martouf lowered himself to the ground next to her. Sam's feeling of being in the way intensified sharply.

"_This is just great."_ She thought. _"We're stuck in the middle of nowhere with a broken torch and I'm just in their way. On top of that, my head still feels like it's been ransacked."_

"Look," She said tentatively, "my head still feels a bit weird, I could do with some time to myself. There was a clearing about ten minutes back. I'm gonna head for there. I'll come back at first light." Carefully not looking at either of them, and thinking that they probably wanted the time alone more than she did, Sam got up and began to walk swiftly away.

"_Astute, isn't she?"_

"_Hardly, Lantash, she's been putting up with Jolinar for days, and if her behaviour has been anything to go by, she either didn't try or failed to keep her emotions from affecting Samantha."_

"_Martouf, this could have ended a lot worse, for all of us. Our mate, both of her, is beside us unharmed. We could not have hoped for half of this three months ago."_

"_I know. I am thankful."_ Martouf felt Rosha's, no, Jolinar's, eyes on him. He turned and met them. That moment said all that needed to be said.

Once in the clearing, Sam sat down. Her confusion was overwhelming. Her own memories and feelings were intact, but so many of Jolinar's were echoing on. In retrospect, she could hardly tell where her feelings had ended and Jolinar's had begun. Had she begun to love Martouf? If she had, there was no trace of it now, just that immovable, inhered trust, esteem that had always been there. How long would it have taken Jolinar to make her feel that way, move that trust until she would have withheld nothing from him?

Sam felt as though she were grieving. Jolinar's absence felt like a loss. In spite of this, and the fact that she could no longer run 40 miles in a day, Sam was essentially glad to be free of Jolinar's mind. In spite of that, she now felt she understood how Tok'ra blending was supposed to work, both physically and mentally. She'd once said to Colonel O'Neill that if she hadn't fought Jolinar, if she'd understood, the experience might have been enlightening. In some ways, it definitely had been. If it hadn't been for Jolinar's feelings for Martouf, Sam felt she might have actually enjoyed the experience...

...She was sitting on the thick carpet of moss and fallen leaves beneath the trees, in new leaf. Martouf sat facing her, about six feet away. She wasn't controlling Rosha, so it was Rosha who spoke.

"Why did you decide to become a host?"

"My people failed to give a sufficient quantity of food to Ra." Martouf's eyes flicked down, hardening, darkening as he spoke. "We were a primitive people, farmers mostly, living in large family groups. We had no weapons. When Ra's warriors came through the Stargate, my father told me and my brothers, three of them, each my senior, to stand in the yard with axes and hide my mother, my brother's wife and my sisters in the house." His voice grew colder as he spoke. "Their weapons killed my father and brothers before they were within a hundred paces of us. I was severely wounded and left to die slowly. I would have done, even if I had first lain helpless for many days, then been sought out by wolves or simply exposure. My injuries were crippling. The Tok'ra found me some hours later. I accepted Lantash in the hope that, in surviving, I could help my sisters and mother and, in joining the Tok'ra, avenge my father and brothers. When I went to seek my sisters, it was too late. My mother and younger sisters were dead, as was my brother's wife, she was heavy with child. My older sister, Kipacha, is host to a Goa'uld." Jolinar's sympathy joined with Rosha's, each compounding the other.

"There was nothing you could have done." Rosha said softly. "No one can stand against Ra, which is why we run round and stab him in the back."...

...Sam dropped her head onto her forearms. The horror of what Martouf had been through was beginning to be comprehensible to her. He had lost everything and during that memory, the wound had been fairly recent. Something told her he had been a host for one year. He and Jolinar hadn't been mates at the time though, Jolinar hadn't felt anything looking at him.

Sam lay down properly, trying not to think what Martouf must have felt. Sam had lost her mother, she knew how that felt, but on top of that the loss of father and several siblings was... more than she could get her head round.

Sam woke and heard running footsteps. It was dawn. She raised her P-90, frustrated at the stiffness in her limbs. Rosha came into view. Sam lowered the gun.

"Thank you." Rosha said as soon as she stopped. A soft radiance seemed to emanate from her features, which left Sam in no doubt as to what had passed between her and Martouf, that she had been wise to leave them alone.

"Oh. That's OK. "Anyway, I can fix the torch now. Where's Martouf?"

"Coming, I just woke up faster than he did."

Sam had fixed the torch by the time Martouf arrived. It was only a blown bulb and she had two spares. Jolinar insisted on carrying Sam's pack for the day's walk, since Sam didn't have a symbiote. They made good progress that day, Sam moved rather faster without a pack. She sensed that Jolinar and Martouf were holding hands behind her back again. The sun rose and fell again. Darkness surrounded them, parted only by Sam's torch beam. Sam felt that they had walked for hours in this way before she sank, panting, to the ground with the words,

"I can't go any further."

"We'll stop here then." Jolinar replied, sitting down close by. Martouf did the same. They'd chosen to sit down close to her. Did that mean they didn't need to be alone again? Whatever it meant, Sam was too tired to move. She ate without enthusiasm, then lay down and was instantly asleep...

**Thing one: Sorry Hathor Girl and anyone else who feels that way. No Sam/Martouf/Lantash ship from this author. He belongs to Jolinar/Rosha and Sam belongs to someone else.**

**Thing two: What Sam said to Jack, "**that if she hadn't fought Jolinar, if she'd understood, the experience might have been enlightening"** is actually cannon (Tok'ra part 2).**

**Thing three: The timeline with the Martouf/Lantash/Jolinar/Rosha ship is open to interpretation. I know some people (i.e. Roeskva) think that the symbiotes have been in that relationship longer than their hosts.**

**Thing four: Yes, I stole the name `Kipacha` from David Clement-Davies `The Sight`. I just love that name so much. There are a lot of ways to say it, but I think of it as key-PASH-ah. Your thoughts are your own. Apologies to David Clement-Davies, no copyright infringement intended.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Can I just say thank you to Roeskva and MiserylovesSarah. You've been faithfully reviewing every chapter since host. That really means a lot to me.**

Within

...It was hard to breathe. She was alone now. She staggered over to the far corner, fell to her knees and vomited. Liquid, harsh, burning vomit. She was shaking, shivering in spite of the heat. She spat the last of the acid from her mouth, feeling it burn her sinuses as tears began to burn her eyes. She cried. She'd held it together when it had mattered, but now she just cried, alone. She heaved again. A few more drops of acid fell from her open mouth. Would she be able to make herself do it again? She heaved again, feeling the iron fist clench inside her midriff. More acid. Her crying intensified, but remained silent. She heaved again. Dry this time. Nothing left. She couldn't do it...

...Sam gasped and sat up. Darkness was everywhere. Cool, calm, merciful darkness. She was shaking, less than she had been, but shaking still. But it hadn't been her shaking. She knew that now. Flashback.

"Sam?" Rosha's voice made Sam look round. Two pairs of bright eyes were reflecting the starlight back at her. It took a moment for her to see more than that, for her eyes to adjust to the dark, silent night. Rosha and Martouf were looking at her, half sitting up. One of Martouf's arms lay across Rosha's waist. "Are you alright?"

Sam nodded, still shaking.

"Flashback." She said shortly.

"My past or yours?"

"Yours." Sam lay back down, breathing hard. "I'm OK." She lied. She could still feel the other two looking at her, but no one challenged her assertion. After a moment, she heard them lie down again. She gazed up through the pines, trying to ignore the nausea still lingering in her throat.

Sam kept telling herself that being made to feel so... desolate, desperate, unclean by a dream was stupid as she rubbed life back into her limbs the next morning. She was embarrassed by having made a fuss. She didn't look at the other two, fearing looks of concern, until Rosha addressed her.

"Sam, frequent flashbacks just after separation or blending are normal, and they tend to be very... emotional ones. I've seen some of your past and what I've seen is unsettling."

"What?"

"The... aftermath of a certain... accident was the worst." Sam knew exactly what Rosha was talking about. "I also saw... part of Anise's armband fiasco. Condemned Anise! I'm surprised Jolinar didn't leave a residual lack of patience with her and her devices."

"Jolinar and Anise" Martouf put in, "never made any attempt to mask their disdain for one another. For that matter, neither did Freya or Rosha."

"And Lantash doesn't either." Rosha looked round at him teasingly. "Only you bother, and you could try harder than you do."

"Fair point."

"It's the old soldier-scientist argument." Rosha began, then her eyes went blank.

"Rosha?" Martouf laid a hand on her arm. Her eyes snapped back into focus and she gave a shout of laughter.

"What?" Sam found herself grinning.

"Briefing room, 1997. The first time you met Colonel O'Neill. You were basically stating that you weren't going to be pushed around by him, Feretti, Kawalsky or anyone else. You argue your position better than Anise does; all she does is call us ignorant. Though you were also arguing `female`. Most of what you said was amusing, but it was the anatomical comment that made me laugh." Sam grinned again. `Anatomical comment`. That meant `just because my reproductive organs are on the inside instead of the outside doesn't mean I can't handle anything you can`. That line was well used. Sam had too often had to defend herself like that, that line usually made her opponent look away, embarrassed. Colonel O'Neill had taken it relatively well.

Five minutes later they were walking again, still at that frantic pace. Sam was still tired from the day before, she didn't think she'd keep the pace up all day, but she wasn't about to let on.

"If you keep going, by sundown tomorrow, you'll be home." She told herself over and over again. The day faded into a haze of exhaustion and grim determination. By the time they halted, Sam was almost too tired to eat, in spite of being ravenous. She was asleep almost before she had lain down.

"No!" The shout jerked Sam back to consciousness. The desperate, pained, yet defiant shout. She sat bolt upright, grabbing for her P-90. It was a moment before she could see the person who had shouted. Rosha was sitting up, shaking and panting. Martouf laid a hand on her shoulder as he spoke.

"Flashback?" His tone wasn't interrogative, more gently concerned. Rosha nodded.

"I'd hoped I'd never see that place again." Her voice shook as much as her body.

"Netu, right?" Sam didn't know how she knew. She just knew.

"Not my memory of it." Rosha answered. "Yours. When Apophis was... torturing you, saying he'd kill your father if you didn't give up the Iris Code." Sam remembered that, only too well. She suppressed a shudder at the memory. "I'd forgotten how bad blood of Socar felt." Rosha's voice was still shaking badly. Sam sat looking at her for a minute, but neither spoke. Sam lay down again, facing away. Martouf would calm Rosha down more effectively than she could. She really was still in the way. Sam heard the other two speaking in Goa'uld for a while, not understanding a word. She didn't hear the end of the conversation. It vanished into vague, meaningless dreams.

Sam woke. Daylight was all around her. How long had she slept for? She looked around.

"Rosha?" She called, fear rising. "Martouf?" She was alone. Completely and utterly alone. The sun was fairly high, she'd slept for hours.

"_OK."_ She thought. _"Look for tracks and stay calm"_ The imprints where the other two had been lying during the night were still clear.

Sam breathed a sigh of relief when she saw them. Two sets of tracks in the soft earth, leading away. Sam checked her P-90 and slunk away, following the tracks.

What if there were more Jaffa here? What if Jolinar and Martouf had been caught, or even killed? What would Sam do then? Would she be able to help them? If she couldn't, would she be able to find the Stargate or would she be trapped on P3X 717 to starve to death?

Movement to her right. Sam spun around, levelling her P-90.

**Dan Dan Daaah! Who's there? Take a guess.**


	18. 18 And now, the conclusion

**Well, this is it. Enjoy.**

Within

Movement to her right. Sam spun around, levelling her P-90.

"God, you gave me a fright." She released the nervous breath she had been holding.

"It was not our intent. Sorry." Martouf stopped; Jolinar stepped up next to him...

...The light, cool breeze lifted her hair from her neck. Everything had a slightly reddened hue in the sunset. She preferred it to the green of the last homeworld's setting sun. She strode out over the steep, unforgiving ground.

"Martouf?" He'd be here somewhere. It had really shaken him. It had been twelve days; he was still withdrawn, uncommunicative, seeking the silence. "Martouf?" Then she saw him, sitting near the edge of a precipice, facing away from her. "There you are. I was getting worried. You've been up here all day. Garshaw wants you back in the tunnels soon." He didn't respond. She drew closer and seated herself next to him. She knew what was wrong. She braced herself and spoke her mind. "You had no choice, Martouf."

"I had no choice." He repeated dismissively "There's always a choice Jolinar. I'm a tenth of your age, and I've learned that."

"The other option was death."

"What I did was death, to them."

"You couldn't compromise cover. You'd have been killed on the spot."

"They were. There were twenty three of them. Twelve men, seven women, four children. If my life alone is valued above all theirs, how are we different to those we fight?"

"If you hadn't given the order, how long would it have take Yu to give it? How far could they have got?" He didn't reply for a moment.

"I ordered their deaths. That's what I can't bear. I told the Jaffa to kill them. And I know someone, somewhere gave the same order for my people. I am what I am because someone did, and I've always sworn that if I ever found that person, they would die, no matter my objectives. Now I am that person. And Lantash just, let it go. He isn't frightened by this. I don't suppose you are either. But I am. How do I live with that?" Jolinar dipped her head as Rosha asked for control.

"They're different to us. Jolinar and I used to fight in a way we just don't now. You've only had Lantash eighteen months, it will get easier. I know I've only been a host for a year longer than you, but it does." He looked at her for the first time. He was easy to be around, Martouf. Even when he was like this, there was something about him that soothed her, intrigued her, drew her...

...Sam jerked her head, blinking hard in the sunlight of P3X 717.

"Another flashback?" Sam didn't look at Jolinar or really reply, just nodded, raising a hand to her head.

"Is there any way to control them?" She asked after a moment.

"Not really." Jolinar replied "However, you will see most flashbacks only once and they can be... for want of a better word, encouraged by remembering other flashbacks."

"So you can, what, draw them out?" Jolinar nodded in response to Sam's words. "But there's still no way to stop them once they've started? What if I get one in the middle of a fire-fight?"

"That is unlikely."Martouf said. "Adrenaline suppresses them. In following us, you have gained some ground, but we still have around twenty miles to cover."

Then they were marching again. Sam felt better having overslept, there was none of the dead tiredness that had assaulted her the day before, but even so, she was quickly out of breath. Dusk began to close over the sky, revealing the hundreds of jewel like stars. This planet was closer to the centre of the galaxy, so the stars were brighter, and there was no light pollution. Sam re-lit her torch and kept walking. She wouldn't stop until she was back at the SGC, until she was home.

It wasn't long before Sam noticed her shadow, clear cut on the pine needles before her. She turned round.

"Woah." A silver orb, huge and stunningly white hung against the jet sky. Sam halted, gazing at it. "Is that moon close or just... big?"

"Almost as big as the planet itself." Rosha replied turning her eyes on the moon. "There are half a dozen smaller ones that appear from time to time, this one is named Ayama."She turned round again. "We have only three miles left to travel, but I doubt you will need your torch."

Sam set off again, turning off her torch. Rosha was right. She didn't need it. The knowledge that home was so close gave Sam strength, the last three miles vanished under foot.

The stargate's naquadah gleamed in the moonlight as they approached it. Rosha made it to the DHD before Sam, so she waited next to Martouf.

"Thank you." He said quietly.

"For what?"

"For your tolerance, for your speed and for returning Jolinar to me." Sam looked away, slightly embarrassed, and was spared the necessity of answering at once by the gate opening. She transmitted SG1's IDC. She looked back at Martouf and said

"Thanks for making it easier for me." Then she walked into oblivion, sensing the other two close behind her.

The sight of the gate room was so welcome to Sam, General Hammond's greeting, the harsh siren. Jolinar and Martouf appeared behind her before the gate closed behind them.

"Major, Martouf, Jolinar. I take it the mission was a success?"

"Yes Sir." Sam replied, "This is Rosha, Jolinar's host and I don't have a symbiote."

"Briefing room, 11 hundred hours. I want to hear exactly what happened after you sent Teal'c back. He's fine by the way."

"By your leave General," Martouf put in. "we would return to the Tok'ra base immediately. I was intended to leave on a mission yesterday, I must return as soon as possible."

"You're free to go, just give us the coordinates." Martouf bowed his head in silent gratitude and followed General Hammond to the control room.

"Sam." Jolinar's call made her turn as she made to follow them. Jolinar approached her. " I wish to thank you for your tolerance and patience with me and my... wishes where they did not agree with your own. I am indebted to you for returning me to Rosha. Also, I wish to say one thing to you." Jolinar stepped closer lowering her voice. "Sam, what you seek is close. Reach out and it is yours. Reach out." Jolinar turned sharply, stepping away from Sam, who followed her gaze to see Colonel O'Neil entering the room.

"Carter."

"Sir." They held eachother's gaze for a long moment, then Sam looked away, Jolinar' last words echoing in her ears.

Fin.

**Well that's the end of that. A big thank you to all those who've been reading, especially Roeskva and MiserylovesSarah for constant encouragement and 42isthemeaningoflife for astute criticism where it was due. Also to my beta (Mum) for making me write this in the first place. If not for her, my fanfiction would have remained in the obscure and bizarre world of my head, driving me slowly insane.**

**Authors notes on the plot: One. Of course Sam doesn't act on her feelings at the end there, that's what makes S/J ship interesting. Yes, I am a shipper. That's who `...` was in chapter 12, if you didn't guess and you lot seem to be mostly clairvoyant.**

**Two. Martouf was supposed to leave on a mission the day before he got back. The Tok'ra didn't wait for him, they sent another operative in his place. This is the important bit: When earth and the Tok'ra formalised their alliance not long after (D&C), Martouf's substitute was revealed to be a Za'tark. She wounded several people before being killed herself by Sam. I couldn't go to all this trouble to bring Rosha/Jolinar back and not save Martouf!**


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